Not such a long way down
by Pippinumpkin
Summary: Newton seems to have a few self esteem issues going on. Just saying. Trigger warning: suicidal thoughts. One shot. I really wanted an excuse to write father/son stuff with Newton and Captain Pud.


It almost always came back to this. He took in a lungful of fresh mountain air and sat on the edge of Sitchem manor's roof, letting his feet dangle off the edge. The world below looked flat and lifeless. Honestly, the more he looked at it, the closer and more inviting it seemed to become.

 _Well. It certainly is a bally nice view._ He laughed at himself incredulously. He was never sure as to exactly _why_ he came up here, it just sort of… happened. Closing his eyes tightly, he tried to imagine what would happen if he let himself slide forwards off his perch, allowing himself to fall past the windows of a house he had known since the very beginnings of his pathetic life. _Slim witted, incompetent, pathetic, good for nothing…_ The residue of the voices of the titans were always stronger on the roof, yet instead of renewed terror, he felt a sense of homeliness for the familiarity of the insults streaming round his head.

He snuck his thighs forward slightly, testing how it would feel to fall into nothingness. Perhaps it would be better that way; if all that was left of him was a shattered bulb, the last of his broken smile extinguished. After all, then he wouldn't be the cause of his dear Papa's woes, and the tales that stained his family's name. Oh how he had _tried_ to be like his father, to be strong, brave, smart, successful. Someone the world could look up to, but nothing had worked. Apart from this. _This_ would work. Just peering over the edge made his stomach turn. It was a long drop. His eyes lost their focus as he stared too long. A long, long, steep, irreversible, fatal-

"NEWTON!"

"Argh!" He shrieked, lost his balance and felt himself slip over the edge. His heart was assaulting his rib cage, but despite the sickening fear in his gut, there was also an odd sense of relief. That was, until he was roughly seized but his collar and hauled back onto the roof.

"What are you doing up here?" His father demanded in such a voice that made his son shrink into his shirt. "Looking over the edge like that-" He eyed him suspiciously, "Like you were thinking about _jumping!"_

"Jumping?" Newton laughed, scoffing as much as he could manage. " _Me?_ Jumping off there would be certain death- and I'm _definitely_ not thinking about _that_ of course."

Seeing the incredulous look upon Captain Pud's face, Newton gabbled on, picking up excuses as he went. "I was just looking at the charming scenery! You know, the view looks so much better outside the window than in- not sinister or anything at all- or- I- uh-"

His father sighed heavily and pushed him up the roof by the shoulder towards the window he had left from. "In you go, Newton."

"Yes, yes, of course Papa! Excellent suggestion, I was just about to make it myself in fact."

Once inside, Captain Pud shut the window firmly behind him, took a key from the inside of his coat pocket and locked it. Newton gulped.

Still facing the window, Captain Pud let out another sigh. It was riddled with a thousand intonations Newton couldn't make sense of.

"Newton-"

He waited expectantly, feeling strangely fearful when his father seemed short of words.

"Stay away from places like that. You know that with _our_ condition we're more likely to sustain serious injuries."

Newton thought that _anyone_ jumping from that height would be a lost cause but kept this to himself and nodded seriously. "Yes, Papa."

His fathers back remained stiff as he turned around to face him. "Do you have the keys to your airship?"

"I- of course." Newton stumbled over his words in confusion.

"Show them to me."

"Uh… Alright…" Newton delved his hands into his pockets, searching through several pieces of screwed up paper and pieces of blue tack and paperclips until he finally grasped his keys and handed them to his father.

To his horror, Captain Pud pocketed them. "I'll be keeping these until I deem it is safe to give them back to you."

" _Safe?"_ Newton almost wailed. "What- why? What have I done now?"

"Don't play naïve." His father scowled, "I've travelled enough and met enough folk to know a certain look in a man's eye."

"Certain…look?"

"Yes."

"Papa-" Newton began to protest, but was sharply cut off.

"I am _not_ going to hand a son of mine the keys to his own death warrant!" The Captain suddenly snapped, his hunched shoulders making him look too tall for Newton's liking.

The younger man cowered in the shadow he was casting.

"God forbid you're not in a good place right now, but if that is indeed the case, it is my duty to keep you from harm. You're grounded so your mother and I can keep an eye on you."

" _Grounded?!"_ Newton shrieked, "I'm twenty-three!"

"Precisely." Captian Pud grumbled, striding over to the door of the small room. "And that is too young a life to throw away."

Newton could feel his rage building, even towards his precious father.

"I'm an _adult!_ " He announced.

His father stopped, his hand on the door knob, then made a cutting blow. "Then perhaps you should act more like one."

The bravado Newton had built up inside his chest crumbled. "I! I!" He quickly steeled himself. "I won't be treated like a child! If you want me to value my own life then perhaps you should value it yourself!"

"What on Earth are you talking about?" His father's expression recoiled in disgust.

"Slim witted, useless, incapable…" Newton railed off, and his father's eyes widened in recognition. "You know, Papa." He accused, voice wobbling in his throat. "If I'm such a disappointment to you then why stop me?"

"You are _not_ a disappointment, you are _mine_." Captain Pud said fiercely.

"It doesn't feel like it." Newton looked down at his shoes. "Sometimes I wonder if I really _am_ your son."

"Newton…" He heard heavy footsteps across the ground and braced himself for a lecture. Instead, he felt himself being pulled into a warm, protective embrace.

It had been so long since he had felt so safe in his father's arms, and Newton felt himself become a child again. His eyes swam and he buried his face into his father's coat. "Just let me go, Papa."

The arms around him tightened in response.

"Never."


End file.
